Booze can always be counted on by me to make me feel numb/good.

I thought I had updated this blog sooner than 10 days ago. Dang. Anyways, since last I wrote I'm sure a lot has happened. All I know is that I'm happy, and I'm two days away from driving up to Big Sur for the weekend. The weekend that would have marked two years with TheGirl, and was meant to be a celebration of that time together. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. But I'm still in her life. Not sure for how long. I know that I've moved away from her emotionally over the last few weeks since the day that I realized there was no future with her.

That did happen to coincide with me hanging out with my former co-worker. But that hasn't gone anywhere since then. I'm tempted to tell her that I want to "court" her, to use an old term. I know it sounds cheesy, but I'm cheesy. And I'm honest, to a fault. Life has now become too short to hold certain things back. Some things still get filtered, but some do not now.

I still love TheGirl, but her actions over the last three months are nothing short of disrespectful. I told her a LONG time ago that if she felt she was losing interest in me that she should just tell me and not just cheat on me or something stupid like that. Alas, she didn't just come out and tell me when she felt out of love with me. She went ahead and started a new relationship. Funny enough, this new relationship suffers because she won't commit to it. At least now she knows not to drag some poor innocent guy that likes her into her den of iniquity.

Yet, I'm still in that den. I'm trying to escape, but it's still kinda nice to be in her sexual good graces. Sunday after my trip we have already planned on being intimate. At least I'm good for something in her life.

In my life TheGirl is a lost cause, but I still need her in my life right now in order to not feel the pain of the total loss of her presence.