So like I stated last time I wrote here, it was the �anniversary� of the discovery of our affair on Sunday. The day that TheGirl didn�t want me to be around. She later told me that she had a �rough time of it,� on Sunday. And then the thoughts went through my head. Why would the anniversary of your escape, the beginning of freedom, cause TheGirl to think unpleasant thoughts? I hate to say it, but my mind went back to when she broke up with me nearly six months ago. She has always said that her life with her husband had been like being in prison. That despite some good times, for the most part she was miserable. I don�t know about you, but if I�m in a miserable situation I never lament the passing of that situation. I never sit back and have a rough day thinking about the day all that stopped. Which of course makes me think bad thoughts, because I wonder if she would go back if she didn�t burn that bridge to the ground. And I wonder if she possibly could go back despite that bridge laying in ashes. Never say never, right?

All I know is that I love her. She told me that this would be rough. I knew it would be rough for her emotionally. What I didn�t realize is that her distance during this, an act of projection I believe on her part, would actually cause me to feel this much pain. I�ve tried shielding myself from it by simply putting my head down and dealing with whatever comes my way. That will work for a little bit, but the scares of her leaving me now rear their ugly head. Those thoughts make me flinch, and sometimes start to question her. If she was able to lie to me once, she�s able to lie to me now. I simply want her to make it through this so we can be together. I�ll hold her hand as much as I can. But it�s hard to quiet that little thought in the back of my head that knew what was going on, but that I didn�t listen to. Now I�m listening, but it might be wrong. I hope it�s wrong.