I just thought about what I wrote a few moments ago and I think I�m wrong to expect her to never to utter the ex-husband�s name with any sort of affection attached. I shouldn�t say something like that.

All I�m saying is that I�m in love with TheGirl. And I�m saying that I need to stop worrying about something that I have no control over. Which is everything, actually. I haven�t been a very good Buddhist lately. I�ve strayed from the ideals a little. I think it�s time to really focus.

Ever since last year when she broke up with me I have this fear in the back of my mind that she will leave me again and I will be devastated again. Last time I found myself in a depression that was fueled by sorrow, and flamed by booze. I never want to go through that again. I haven�t been able to let go of that fear because the possibility that she will return to the husband still exists. At least, I think, until the divorce is final. I believe that once that happens a psychological barrier will be passed and the threat of her returning to him will also have passed. That�s my working theory anyway. It might prove to be wrong. It might prove to be right. I don�t know.