I got my paperwork for my Graduation ceremony the other day -- but I have no intention of going -- though I know I'll probably say "how stupid" later on. I don't want to go because I hate those kind of things -- and it was my Grandmother's wish to see me there. Now that she's gone I don't have that joy of seeing her as I walked up to get my diploma -- there is just the emptiness that her death has left.

It's hard enough holding back the emptiness -- I've been feeling really depressed lately -- not wanting to even do anything -- forcing myself to get things done -- finding little joy in the things that used to make me pulsate with glee. I have no one that I would want to go to Graduation -- so I rather not go.