What my time with TheGirl has taught me since the break-up is that relationships die a lingering death sometimes.

I knew she was sleeping with her �friend,� otherwise there wouldn�t be any reason for her to keep me around as a �friend with benefits� as well. But last night she confirmed it. Also last night I left her place in a huff, because I was passed out on her bed from drinking too much. But she went off to talk to her �friend� and that just irked me. I needed to leave. But not because she is talking to him. But because what it means. This woman is throwing herself at a man she doesn�t fully trust. But because he reminds her of a previous love affair she is willing to stick her neck out and get it cut off. But at the same time she doesn�t want a relationship. Funny, she�s now having two relationships at the same time.

She confessed to me, like I didn�t know this, that she isn�t happy. She thinks that when she starts working everything will be OK. But like I told her, she isn�t happy because she is searching for something with her eyes closed. She needs to figure out what she wants, and not poke around. Because this poking hurts everyone involved. Me, her daughter, and even this �friend� of hers. Yes, even he is being set-up for a big hurt, if he didn�t already feel it. Yesterday was fun with her, until she abandoned me and went to talk to him. That I couldn�t take, because when she�s with him she NEVER takes a few seconds to even txt me.

I�m pretty sure she will fuck this whole thing up with the both of us. The �friend� wants more than what he has now, he wants a full relationship. She just got out of one, and needs her time alone. But she can�t be alone, because she�s never had to be.

I�m in transition too. I was once very used to being alone. But then a great depression came over me and I didn�t want to be alone anymore. I felt extreme loneliness. And then I met TheGirl, and she not only gave me a companion, but also love and sex. All of which I needed. I now still have that, in a pseudo relationship that is deep friendship with fuck-buddy status. She admits that what she�s doing isn�t right. Which is a step in the right direction. As the man who loves her, and wants to remain in her life I gave her some advice last night. I want her to be happy. She says she never will be. As always, I�m right. I know things. I see things. I�m not a dope. The way it�s going right now she�s going to push me away with one arm and want to hold me tighter with the other. Last night I left her place ready to just burst. I wanted to never see her again. But I don�t want to hurt her. I love her, and want the best for her. And that�s why I went back and apologized to her. Part of me wanted to slap her and tell her to grow up already.

Of all the woman I have loved, or thought I loved, TheGirl has gotten to me the deepest. And yet, she has proven to me that no woman is worth unconditional love. They always have conditions. It�s also taught me not to love 100% ever again. The bitter taste in my mouth has only made me more cynical. I hide a lot of that cynicism, but it�s just below the surface. Say the wrong thing and I�ll show you.